My Grateful Heart

 With the new year upon us, I decided it's time I start to blog. I have been wanting to post something every time my dear cousin or friends write and share with me their beautiful testimonies through the humble, incredible lives they live. I actually started writing this post around Thanksgiving and never actually published it. I believe that all things happen for a reason, even my forgetfulness is a tool the Lord uses to help me out...a lot more than He probably should have to, but I'm grateful He's so merciful and loving. So while this post has been sitting and maturing over the past two months, I think it has developed into a way for me to give thanks for the past year and all it's hard times and trials, along with all the blessings and miracles I witnessed. 

This post was sparked from finding a small item in one of my coat's pockets a few months ago and that little toy really got my mind going! Please read with an open heart and mind as this is my first post, and excuse any grammatical errors since I haven't written a paper in general for awhile, let alone in English. (I'll chalk that excuse up to my major in art and my minor in Spanish). Enjoy with me as I start this fun little journey of posting the many life experiences the Lord sees fit for me in this wonderful new year, 2014! 

With the change of the seasons upon us I was finally brought to pull out my trusty black peacoat a few weeks ago. I remember getting this coat right before I left for my mission and remembering how important and "grown up" I felt in my very own peacoat. I took that coat with me 5, 728.4 miles from home and wore it every day as I served as a full-time missionary in Santiago, Chile. When I pulled it out for the first time this fall I found an incredible treasure in the right pocket: a small plastic toy that a precious little boy from Chile had given to me while I was serving there. His name is Gustavo and I had the privilege of being there to teach him and bring him closer to his Heavenly Father through countless encounters, lessons, and then finally watching this little boy enter the waters of baptism on May 27th, 2012. 

As I was pondering about all of the things that I have to be grateful for this time of thanksgiving, the remembrance of this wonderful time in my life came to mind all through holding on to a little plastic toy I received over a year ago. The toy isn't new, and wasn't even when I received it. It is one of those little transforming toys that when you push on a certain place it pops up into a robot. Gustavo had a dozen of them and loved showing them to me and Hermana Evans every time we came over. The toy barely even opens now and has so many scratches and scrapes you can barely force it back into the ball that it originally formed. With all of that in mind, all I remember is that moment standing in his living room and being so touched as a child gave me one of his most precious objects. Gustavo lived with his mom and older brother and they struggled to put food on the table every day. They didn't have very much, but he gave me one of the things he did own without giving it a second thought. He gave me something that meant a lot to him, that brought him happiness, and now, months later, brings me happiness and reminds me of a time I shared something precious with him and gave him something that our Heavenly Father wanted him to have: a new, clean start and a way to come back to live with Him.

So a few weeks ago, as I had this small, tender moment with this plastic toy, it made me reflect on some of the other small, seemingly insignificant objects in my life that have recently brought me happiness and have effected my life in some way. I wanted to publicly recognize these objects at this time of Thanksgiving in something I will call my Gratitude List.

1. I'm grateful for Avocados. 

The day before my youngest sister entered the MTC to prepare for her mission in Albuquerque, New Mexico, we received the incredible news that my other younger sister, Hillary...was pregnant. It was amazing. That night Rachel and I left the house as soon as we could and raced out to Eagle Mountain to celebrate this exciting time with my sister and brother-in-law. As we walked into their home, Hillary had out not only one pregnancy test ready to show us...but four. She also did one while we were there to be thorough. We laughed and cried and stared at these white plastic sticks with two red lines indicating so many firsts for our family: first sister pregnant. First grand-baby. First nephew (or niece since we didn't know at the time..;) and the first time I had ever felt the unexplainable joy a new baby brings to a family. Over the next few months Hillary began to notice her body change and along with it, her appetite. I remember countless days at the beginning of her pregnancy where she called me telling me the most random things she was craving at the moment. 

One day, it was avocados. 

I loved this craving the most out of the rest of her requests, because it reminded me of my time in Chile. We ate avocados at every meal. We could buy six for a dollar. It was awesome. I have never loved something green so much. A sliced avocado on fresh Chilean bread with a glass of cold "Coca" was heaven after a long day of walking, talking, and teaching. It was awesome now to have my little sister wanting something that used to bring me so much comfort and relief at a time in her life for the same reason...but in such a different context. Every time I see an avocado now, or eat one, or want one, I can't help but think of what a tender mercy it is to share something like this with my little sister. The Lord gives us small and simple things so that greater things can be brought to pass. Sometimes curbing a craving for a young first mother or being rejuvenated after a long day as a missionary is all we need to carry on to bring to pass the much greater things in life. And sometimes these fortifying pushes can be found through the small blessing of a green vegetable. 

2. I'm grateful for words like "Spondy".

I didn’t realize how much of my gratitude list would connect to my mission, but they don’t say that a mission will change your life for no reason. 

I was called to serve in a walking mission. I remember being surprised by this because I recently had been suffering from severe back pain. It caused me to seek treatment through physical therapy and change to a lot of my normal activities. After a long day, sometimes even walking to my car took effort and I had to stop a lot. Sometimes the stopping was to hold back tears as I forced myself to put one foot in front of the other and just make it to my driver seat to get a moment of relief from the searing pain. After a few months of treatment, I felt so much better and after receiving clearing from my doctor in preparation for a mission, I felt I had received a miracle. I was truly healed. I turned my papers in, received my call to Chile, and was moving forward with full force.

But this healing later proved to be temporary. 

The moment I stepped into the MTC, all the way through the next seven months, I battled with my back. It took the Lord five months to finally get me sick enough and hurting enough in my left knee, to humble me. I called the mission medic and took a trip to the hospital. I began receiving therapy on my knee, since that is what was hurting the most at the time. The therapy quieted the pain in my knee, but worsened the pain in my back. I was down to about twenty minutes on my feet until I needed to sit down or lay down. This usually meant I was done for the next twenty-four hours when the pain started to come. President told me to schedule an MRI. The first one I had ever had. The results were shocking but also validating for me. I had three doctors come look at the x-rays and wonder how I had been walking with the condition my back was in. I didn’t like knowing how severe my problem was, but it reassuring knowing what was wrong with my back was real and I hadn’t been exaggerating the pain. I appreciated finally knowing what was going on. Although it was interesting to see, the answer that came along with it was hard to take. I was sent home the next week.

I began therapy here in Utah..again. And continued trying to figure out what was wrong. My knee took its turn in the spotlight and I received knee surgery on October 15th, 2012. The first surgery I have ever had. My back felt okay for a few months, but worsened, yet again, in February of this year (2013). Through yet another guided tender mercy of the Lord, I was referred to a Doctor Bryan Gordon, a chiropractor in West Jordan. The woman that referred me to him had taken her daughter to him and testified of the miracle that had taken place with her: she had been born with scoliosis, and after working with Dr. Gordon, wasn’t suffering from that pain anymore. I was ready to try anything and set up an appointment to meet with him.

 That was back in May and I have since spent countless hours in traction, on ice, taking x-rays, and working in the gym in my on going back battle. I met incredible people while going through treatments and gained the nickname of "Spondy", since one of the conditions with my back is a separation between two lower vertebras called spondylolisthesis. Since the beginning of this journey with my back, I can now stand for several hours, walk for just as long; play basketball, run, jump, and move for longer than I have been able to for almost three years. This 80 year old back has pulled a Benjamin Button and I've got to be about in my 40's now...in back years.;) Another true miracle and the word "spondy"only reminds me of the accomplishments we've seen with my back and posture, a mountain I am still climbing, but with success and a smile on my face.

3. I am grateful for a Sabona Bracelet.

The last thing on my gratitude list this year is my little black SABONA bracelet. 

I received this bracelet from another special little boy in my life. Most of my friends and family know that I was a lifeguard for a good chunk of my teen years...from 15 until I left for my mission. During this time I also taught swim lessons and learned a lot from teaching and being around cute little rowdy kids several hours a day. I started getting requests to teach private lessons so I decided to get certified to teach them. One morning I had a new student named Ashton. He was about 8 years-old and wasn't very fond of swimming when we first met. He was really smart though, and used all of his entertaining stories and comments that an 8 year-old can think of to keep him from putting his head under the water. He was a little guy when we first met with black glasses and a few teeth missing, and several Under-armor and Power bracelets all up both of his arms. He loved sports and would tell me every day how hard he ran or played at school that day and how much these bracelets helped him. I grew to love this little boy over the next two years of teaching him swim lessons, in which he became one of my best students and, quite frankly, a little fish. 

As my school schedule got more hectic and I started to coach basketball at Bingham, my time to teach swim lessons was becoming close to non-existent. I was sad to stop, but grateful for the little people I had met and the things I had learned. When I told Ashton's mom that I was not going to be teaching anymore, it might have been one of the saddest days to see Ashton's face. His mom, Shelly, asked if I would interested in babysitting sometimes when I could. I was absolutely down to continue to see this little boy and be influenced by his happy, positive, incredibly smart and competitive personality. I watched him a few times during the summer and fall of 2011. This would also be when I decided to serve my mission. Ashton and his family are not members of the LDS church which made my leaving on a mission a great opportunity for me to share with Ashton, who was now 10, some of the things I believed and the reasons why I wanted to serve a mission for 18 months. Ashton was sweet and understanding, and took everything I was telling him into consideration in his smart, 10 year-old mind. On the last night of my babysitting him, Ashton wanted me to have something that I could take with me on my mission. He took off one of his precious, powerful bracelets, that he still wore every day, and gave it to me to have. This was another little boy sharing something with me that he held dear, and also giving it up so willingly. I honorably wore that bracelet every day for the next few months as I prepared to leave to serve the people in Chile. 

Ashton's bracelet, however, did not come with me to Chile. The morning I was being dropped off at the MTC, I sat in the back of my mom's car holding my little sister, trying to comfort her as I struggled with leaving to do something I felt I needed to do and also wanted to do, but hurt inside leaving her and knowing we would be thousands of miles apart for the next year and a half. As an older sister that cared so much for this little girl, my mind raced to do something to comfort her and let her know how much I loved her. 

I saw Ashton's bracelet. 

I took the bracelet off my wrist and handed it to Rach. I told her how much it meant to me and how I wanted her to wear it while I was gone. She could think of me with it on and know that through this little object that I was with her every day. 

Rach wore that bracelet everywhere she went up until July 10, 2013, the day we took her to the MTC. As we stood at the curb while the elders were taking her bags from the back of the car, she reminded me of the bracelet as she took it off and handed it me. She asked the same request of me that I had asked of her only 18 months before. 

I now have been wearing this bracelet, yet again, for almost 6 months with my incredible little sister in mind, as well as a little boy who touched my heart with his hard working, loving attitude that I met almost four years ago. I can say this bracelet gives me a lot of strength, power, and endurance, and has helped me more than I ever thought a little bracelet could.

The Lord loves each of us so much and wanted us to be with Him forever, but He knew this wasn't possible until we had experienced this time on earth. This is a probational state where we knew there would be trials and we would be tested so that we could grow and return to live with our Heavenly Father in a more perfected state. This time on earth is also a time of joy. He wants us to be happy and to enjoy this short, earthly journey. I know that the Lord knows each of us personally and He knows what we need and how to deliver tender mercies to lift us and guide us. I have found gratitude in a plastic toy, comfort from an avocado, a miracle in two separating disks, and strength in a bracelet. I am so grateful that the Lord took the time to personally bless my life with these items and also incredibly grateful that He allowed me to have my eyes opened to see these blessings as to encourage me to continue to look for new items in this next coming year. :)

"...by small and simple things are great things brought to pass..." Alma 37: 6-7

I invite everyone to take a moment to recognize the small things throughout your daily life and routine that make life easier, strengthen you, make you happy, or simply just make you smile. Count these things among some of the greatest blessings you have and watch as the Lord brings to pass greater blessings this next year through each of them. 

HAPPY NEW YEARS! Make the small things count this year. :)

Besitos! Choa choa. ;) 

Con carino, Jessica Mae